The Early Years

As I was trying to think of when I started attracting such top-notch gentlemen, my mind automatically went to the 21 year old guy who liked to dress up as Dracula and deliver flowers to my high school. However, when I really dug deep and thought about it, I realized that this started waaaay before high school.

For awhile, I was doing really well. My preschool boyfriend even got me a My little Pony for Christmas- one of the nice ones with sparkle stars on her sides and pink aluminum foil in her mane. However, in Kindergarten things started going south. In kindergarten I met Chris.

Chris seemed pretty great. He had crazy brown hair and big dimples, and he was taller than all the other boys. Height is a very big thing for me. Anyway, Chris was probably taller than the other kids, because he was held back a year for behavioral problems. 5 year old me loved a bad boy. Chris wooed me in a very special way. He used his giant box of Rosearts(not crayolas, i told you-bad boy) to draw anatomically correct pictures of all the things he wanted to do with me. My parents put a stop to it when I told them that the cute boy in my class asked me to "take my clothes off and marry him during sex." Then, I showed them the illustration, in case anything was unclear. Yup. Winner. Why did he know that word? Why was he such a good artist? I still don't know.

Elementary school was full of such gems. There was Phillip, who chased me around the playground, weeping and spelling out"I space L -O -V -E space Y- O- U" , John Paul, who brought his brother's pocket knife and offered to cut anyone I wanted if I would kiss him under the table(I didn't), and Bryan who threw away all of the supplies in my school box and replaced them with all of his mother's jewelry. Yes, friends, I was well on my way to freak magnet greatness.